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PHOENIX—Providing a brief summary of who he is and what he considers most important for a successful relationship, area man Todd Waterson’s Ok Cupid profile flatly states he is looking for someone he can control, sources confirmed this week.RIDGEWOOD, NJ—Corroborating evidence gleaned from several purported sightings of the couple, lunchroom sources reported Tuesday that the boyfriend of high school junior Annie Sabatino is like 23 or something.PITTSBURGH—Calling it a perfect way to rapidly replenish essential nutrients after an intense workout, Heinz on Wednesday introduced a new quick-recovery sports ketchup to their line of food products.
WILDER, KY—Distraught over being separated from his comforting, scaly touch, area woman Anika Mitkin told reporters Saturday that she longed for the caress of her boyfriend’s dry, cracked, bleeding hands.
SUNNYVALE, CA—Expressing their concern at the man’s unsettling behavior, uneasy Internet users reported Saturday that some “total creep” has just been hanging around the Entertainment Weekly website all day long.
Josh is the founder of Libertarian and Frank is the founder of Make Dating Great
Each are separately aiming at bringing like-minded individuals together who share the same love of walls and liberty in a romantic way. According to Reynolds, “Our biggest issue right now is the overwhelming amount of male members.” Gordan ditto-ed the sentiment and added that, “…all of our female Mexican, I mean ‘Latina,’ users are being harassed off the site.” Josh and Frank both shared choice words about the others site’s “stealing prime hot ass” from each other.
NEWTON, MA—Uneasy to this day over the possibility they consider him a horrible person, local man Will Donnelly is still worried that the parents of his ex-girlfriend from seven years ago hate him, sources confirmed Thursday.